At first I was dreading tonight. I didn't have anything to do. No child to watch, no meeting to be at, no shopping to do. I did have one appointment but I was done by 530 and made it home by 600 so that is still ok. But I did much of nothing. I had dinner and watched the news. I played with TJ and got online. I finished my parents Valentine and played with TJ. I watched a little TV and now I am supposed to be working on my lesson but was distracted by facebook.
But TJ is sleeping at my feet. Thank heavens for Pandora because I have found a new artist. Well not just found but developing a better apprecaition for his music. Jim Brickman (and other artists on the radio station). What talent. The piano will always put you in the right frame of mind for planning a lesson. His music is just lovely!! Anyhoo..I am propped up in bed, kickikng myself for not sleeping. Dad is calling me at 530am to get me out of bed so I can start working out. I just can't get out of bed by myself. No matter where I set the alarm I still just hit snooze and fall back into bed. But hopefully with Dad's help the next couple of weeks, I can eventually do it on my own.
But I just have peace in my heart now. I am worried about a few things but nothing drastic. I would be REALLY worried if I didn't worry of something. But yesterday I had a great experience. I was babysitting Wyatt. We were sitting down to have dinner. I started to say the prayer. I admit I am laxadaysical (spelling wrong but who cares...if you care, you need a life more than I do)...but as I was saying. I am not big of prayer prayers. Most my prayers are like conversations in my head. I start talking and act like I am talking to my earthly Dad. I know I need to be more formal in my personal prayers but my philosphy is as long as it is sincere, there are many ways to pray.
But back to dinner prayer. I was just falling into the normal "food" prayer (thank you for the food, bless hands prepare, give us strenght, etc etc). I started off with expressing gratitude for the weather and the things we have. During those moments while I was talking out loud, I felt such warmth spread through me. I know it was the Holy Ghost testifying to me that They (Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ) truly care what I think and how I am feeling. HF and JC were expressing....their thanks for my thanks if that makes any sense. But I nearly cried at the table.
What comfort it is to know that we are being listened too!! What a feeling of LOVE!! A new resolve is to go about life with this feeling continuously. (insert random thought...with new editor/posting options there is no spell check. wonder when they will get that added). With the holiday of love approaching we are always looking to the love we express on this earth. Have we ever considered the ultimate declaration of love? That Jesus suffered in Gethsemane and hung on the cross because He loved us so? I know I am completely guilty of being self centered and throwing pity parties for not having a "valentine". I know that no "valentine" would ever being willing to sacrifice anything close to what the Savior suffered. Also think of what Heavenly Father had to bear. Seeing His son bleed from every pore. BTW for us mortals to bleed from one pore...wrap a string around the joint of a finger. See if it turns blue. You will pass out because of the pain before you see a single drop of blood. That is how much pain He suffered. Could you stand by and watch your child suffer? And when Christ was hanging on the cross? How could you not have rushed to intervine? I doubt that there is a place in the universe where Heavenly Father could go to avoid seeing/hearing those events.
But HF and JC knew it had to happen. Somone needed to atone for the sins, pain, guilt, suffereing, anger, lonliness, and heartache that would be felt in this world. I recently realized that Jesus didnt just suffere for my sins. He also bore the heartache, the physical afflicitions and impurities, the anger, loniless, pride, and desolation that we feel. He suffered ALL!! Because He suffered we will be able to live with him. I think of the song by Mercy Me I Can Only Imagine..
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side
.................
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
...............
[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in honour of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
................
I can only imagine
When that day comes
When I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
...........
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I love that song. I think it is the most accurate description how what I will be thinking/doing/saying at the time of the 2nd Coming. I can only imagine what a happy day that will be. It is scary to think sometimes we may get caught unaware. There are the little things we didn't prepare for. The pride, greed, little daily sins we have let fall by the wayside. Being impatient with our children and families. Not loving our enemy (or customers because I really hate our customers right now...hello if I could control the weather there would never be any snow on any road in the United States)..BUT as long as we try to do our best and prepare the best we can, Christ has allowed away for us to return to Heavenly Father. We just need to make sure the Atonement plays and active roll in our lives. I know I have let so many things prevent me from using the Atonement as it was truly designed to be used but no more. I will be better at it. I will be so blessed by it. We are all blessed by the Atonement and should be ever thankful for the oppurtunity to use it. I love my Heavenly Father and my older brother Jesus Christ. I am so appreciative of the plan that has been designed so I can return to live with them in glory. I am excited for that day (not that I am going to die soon but think about it. How can you not be excited to see Them and to have a perfect knowledge and to know you will live eternally? It is an exciting even if you think about it!!)
PS when I say we..I mean me. I am only speaking for myself and if you get something from this, that makes me feel wonderful. But I am just putting it out there as a reminder to myself and to keep a rememberence of these thoughts and feelings. Links to lyrics link to youtube video
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