pity party is over!! (for now)

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about being single and not having any children. I have been gradually accepting it and feeling that it is ok. I think it all started when I changed my tire by myself. I have always looked for guys who can be handy man and coudl take care of me. I have been using the tool kit in my house to do a lot of things. I haven't needed a husband to do that. I DID IT! ME MYSELF AND I took care of it. Especially changing the tire finally proved that I can take care of me. I CAN DO THINGS!! Yes it would be nice not to have to do things
like that but just knowing that I can is so empowering.

My dad taught me how to change my oil this weekend. It is a task I will let him continue to do but I know that I will not have to wait on him or pay someone $30 to do it. I KNOW HOW!! I KNOW THINGS!!

I was being home taught by Bro Higgins about the importance of righteous women (preaching to the choir, right?). We got a little off topic and started talking about being single (he has a daughter in the same situation I am but she is 28yrs old). There I realized that I have put too much importance on being a wife and mother. I think that came out wrong but they are not the only things that will define me. Yes I really want to be a wife/mom but that is not the only thing to measure life by.

If I was a wife/mom, I wouldn't have been able to go visit Sam in Seattle. I wouldn't have been able to go to Portland last year with Libby or go to New York City with Jenny. I wouldn't have been able to go to as many concerts (Josh Groban, Dierks Bently, Gary Allan, Breaking Ben, etc).

I know that being wife/mom will happen in time. I know that if not in this life, it will be in the next. I am not allowing myself to enjoy me now because I am so focused on what I don't have. I am great person. I am helping nuture my nieces and nephews. Why I look at the time spent with them with negative thoughts is beyond me. I am influencing who they are becoming. I am making a mark on this world. When I leave, there will be pieces of me left to remember. I am not going to fade. My nieces/nephews will remember how much I loved them and how I was a cool aunt who would wrestle with them and take them to aracdes and play vidoe games and order junk food and let them stay up late.

They will know how much I loved my family. They will know that USA is the greatest place to live and they will know to repsect those in our military for keeping us safe. My niece/nephew's will understand the importance of repsecting and loving your parents. I will have taught them how to be fair and "play nice". They will know how to respect animals and to be kind.
I am not saying I will always be happy about being single but I am seeing that it is ok. Being single will not kill me. There is nothing wrong with it. There is nothing wrong with me. I need to love me more and realize it is not the end of the world. I just need to learn more things so I can teach more.

I will have those days that I will feel like the world is coming to an end being single. However those days will pass and I will see that I survived. I will surive hey hey! (Thank heavens for Gloria Gaynor) I am a strong person.

I appreciate all the support people have given me. I know it has taken a long time but it is finally sinking in!!