hated holiday...

Let the pity party begin..

I HATE MOTHERS DAY!!

at least right now...

I LOVE MOTHERS DAY!!
I get to celebrate my wonderful mom!

I hate the love/hate relationship I have with this holiday.  Normally it isn't a problem.  I understand that I have plent of time and it will happen if it is God's Plan but right now EVERYONE is preggers.  Either preggers or recently had a baby.  I was at Wally World the other day and coudln't stop myself looking throught the cards they had on dispaly.  Some were funny.  Others were sweet.  Some were just stupid. 

I stood there reading a card and I had a horrible heart ache.  I wanted to receive a card on Sunday.  I wished I had someone who was trying to select the perfect card to give to me. I wish I had a piece of construction paper with some Crayola squiggles on it as a signiture from my baby. 
Oh how I long for those things!!  

I know all the platitudes.  It will happen when you least expect it.  Just stay positive.  The grass is greener.  It will happen when it will happen.  On a better day I would understand it...thought I would disagree with it all. I just feel like I am running out of time.  I was babysitting the other day and I had to run into the store.  I was carrying Marlee and buckling her in and couldn't help but think "This is where I should be.  This is what I need to be doing." I am a firm believer that women are created with divine ability and responsiblity of being a mother, home maker, nurture, etc. I have a feeling of inadequacy because I am feel I haven't been blessed to be a mother because Heavenly Father sees some sort of deficiency in me (and yes I know that isn't true but hard to ignore the Devil sometimes).  I know I need to pray about this more but everytime I start I just can't continue because I think if I voice my question, I won't like the answer so I would rather not hear it!!
Isn't denial a pretty thing?  I know where I need to start but I am too afraid too.

But on a better note....

this is my mom...

I don't mean she is as big as an elephant...

Like an elephant, she is as strong, noble, conservative (helps that she is a Republican too), protective, smart, intelligent, loving, nuturing, supportive, natural leader, follower, domineering (yes that is a good quality), self reliant, tough, gentle, enduring, teachable, teacher, nuturing, and every other good/great quality in the world. 

I have the best mother.  Hands down.  No competition.  Gold, silver and bronze go to her.

For as much trouble as me and my family gives her, she still keeps her sanity and is the heart to our family. 
I have never doubted her love for me.  I know she WILL ALWAYS love me.
She is the bestes ever and has helped me be a better person than I ever hoped to be.
I love her more than I can expres.

Heres to my mom:

The political activist

the friend


the grandma


the support system


and the greatest mom in the world!!

I love you!