all by my lonesome, I was lonesome

I have found an old MP3 player the other day. I put in a new battery and started to listen to what music I had. I last listened to this MP3 player when I lived on Juanita in Boise which was 2 years ago (OMG!! How time is flying!!). There are songs that I am still listening too (like Josh Groban, Michael Buble, Gary Allan) but there are some bands I hadn't listened to in awhile. Like Our Lady Peace, Within Temptation, ALL Breaking Ben albums, Evanescence, and Incubus just to name a few. This got me thinking about what I was doing at that time. I had a group of friends and lived with best friend. I thought life couldn't get better. I loved my apartment, roommate was great, work was ok (and will always be just ok until I am independently wealthy), family was awesome, what more could I need?

I was annoyed with some friends. It seemed that I was always arranging everything. If someone was having a birthday, I would be the to organize the party/bbq, or if we wanted to go out, I would get the tickets. I would pay for tickets out of pocket and expected to be reimbursed. Did that every happen? Not really. I was slowly getting fed up with it all. They woudl all dump emotional baggage on me, but when I tried to offload some of my own, who would listen? No one. I slowly started pulling away until I just stopped answering their calls. I know that sounds cold but I tried talking but never got responses. So I ended it.

So the group of friends was no longer there. That was ok. I still had my family and the best friend. Now I know what the group of friends felt like. The best friend slowly pulled from me.
I am listening to these songs (especially Breaking Ben, Within Temp, Panic @ Disco, etc) and thinking of the times that we were playing Halo or Baldors Gate and having a great time. Or the runs to Jack in the Box becasue neither one of us wanted to cook dinner. Or the time we made bathroom brownies (not like they sound. We couldn't turn on a light in the kitchen becasue that would have given away that someone was home and we were hiding from some people. So we took all the ingredients itno bathroom and use the water/light in there).

There was the Holy Day of Thursday for Supernatural. Last night while watching the premiere all by my lonesome, I was lonesome and wished I could go back to the apartment on Juanita. I understand that people change. I have changed. I just wished I could still have that particular friend.